WARNING: This book will make you sound smarter!
Got a sense of humor? Great! 
In addition to helping you fix many of the common mistakes you’ve been making your entire life, this book has lots of humor, a bit of sarcasm, a touch of crudeness, a dose of politics, a little cursing here and there, an occasional expression of humanity. And, since all the common mistakes are explained in plain English, it has a consistent tongue-in-cheek irreverence toward grammar nerds. You’ll understand everything!
It makes learning grammar stuff fun and interesting!
It’s definitely not your typical grammar book. Although much of what it conveys is grammar-related, it presents hundreds of common mistakes in simple terms using fun examples, without the grammar-nerd language!
You’ve been (unknowingly) making these embarrassing mistakes your entire life!
No one wants to unknowingly say something that makes them sound stupid. This book is all about fixing that! I’ll admit it may not be able to fix everything people say that makes them sound stupid (I certainly haven’t been able to do that for myself), but I guarantee you’ll find lots of things here that will help! And $10 is such a small price to pay to fix a lifetime of embarrassing mistakes… don’t you think?
Let me tell you about the book…
First, let me say that some of the smartest and most educated people I know make these common mistakes when speaking or writing. I believe that you do too. Most are just things we’ve said our entire lives without realizing they were wrong. My goal is to help you identify yours.
And, although the book’s title may grab attention, like most things, it’s what’s inside that counts! Here’s more about that:
Smarten the F*ck Up! is the result of 4 years of chronicling common mistakes people make when speaking and writing… and it goes well beyond grammar!
I have to say, I’ve never really liked grammar, but I dislike making stupid, embarrassing mistakes even more, so it’s a love–hate relationship. And whether we realize it or not, we all make some of the common mistakes found in this book… including me. We see and hear them every day – especially on social media.
That’s what inspired this book. After countless instances of reading social media comments and exclaiming, “I wish people would smarten the f*ck up!”, I finally decided to do something about it. I knew I couldn’t fix all the stupid things people say, but I could at least take on those that pertain to grammar.
Consider this… People appreciate when a friend tells them they have toilet paper stuck to their shoe. They also appreciate being told when they have food stuck in their teeth. Friends usually welcome being saved from embarrassment, but unfortunately most of us don’t have a friend who points out our grammar mistakes. This book is that friend!
I say this book is that friend, because even people who are genuinely interested in helping their friends will generally avoid correcting what they say. It’s awkward. It can feel condescending. It can piss people off. (Believe me… I have first-hand experience!) To explore this dichotomy, I told several of my friends about the book and asked their permission to point out common grammar mistakes they routinely made. They agreed, and although they were all a bit embarrassed at what they learned from it, they were also very thankful. They all wished someone had done it sooner.
Here are a couple of examples…
Emily
My friend Emily is an unintentional abuser of “I” vs. “me,” as shown in her recent post, “Here’s a picture of my mother and I.” This is a very common mistake, and after I read her the simple rule from the book, she was thankful to finally understand it – especially because she posts lots of pictures with her mother! 😉
Mike
Here’s another example from Mike, my “me” vs. “myself” friend, who, even after our discussion said, “Thanks for putting my wife and myself on your free book list!” The minute he said this he caught himself, repeated the rule I had just read to him, and laughed. I tell you this to make the point that, even after becoming aware of your mistakes, it takes a while to change. (And just an FYI… if you don’t recognize either of these mistakes, you really need this book.
It’s more than just grammar!
Although the above examples are about grammar, this book goes well beyond that. For instance, there are 9 chapters of “Five Words That Make You Sound…” Here’s one, as an example:
The book also covers things – all in simplified language – such as punctuation, eggcorns (misinterpreted words/phrases), misused homophones (words that sound the same but have different meanings… i.e., their, they’re, there), common mispronunciations, silent letters, and lots more. And since grammar is typically very boring, I made it a bit more fun and engaging by injecting this book with my own off-beat sense of humor and irreverence toward grammar nerds. I’m told it’s truly unique!
You can see another example here.
This book is that friend…
Like Emily and Mike, most people spend their entire lives unaware of the simple mistakes that have crept into their daily language. And they don’t have anyone who ever lets them know. My wife is one of the lucky ones! (Just kidding… correcting people without permission – especially your wife – is a bad habit. Trust me!)
And because I, like so many others, am uncomfortable correcting people, I’ve taken the passive-aggressive approach and written this book that I (or you) could give them. Then they can figure out on their own which mistakes they’re making. Maybe this will save me (and you) from the frustration of making real-time mental corrections as others are speaking. (I know I should seek professional help for this, but I’m hoping this book will do the trick!)
In other words, once you Smarten the F*ck Up!, you won’t have to be the one to correct your friends. You can take the passive-aggressive approach and just gift them a copy because… this book is that friend!
So why would you want to Smarten Up?
Here are a few reasons:
First: Chances are you don’t even realize when you’re embarrassing yourself.
Second: How you communicate affects how people perceive your intelligence and professionalism.
Third: Whether you realize it or not, people judge you on these mistakes. Whether you’re creating a profile on a dating website, applying for a job, or in a meeting with your boss, your chances for success are better if you don’t make embarrassing mistakes. Not only do people judge you, they make decisions (usually unconsciously) based on that judgement. You don’t want to risk losing the perfect date or not getting a promotion, do you?
How this book was created…
(In case you feel like reading more!)
This book began with a single entry in a Word document that I created some time ago and casually named Smarten the F*ck Up! I was in no hurry to complete the list, but was very diligent about adding to it.
Each time I made an entry, I looked up the rule, and that’s when I quickly learned why so many people keep making these mistakes: The grammar rules are written by experts and are only understandable to other experts. I began to simplify and translate the rules into language I could use to help others understand, and I added simple, engaging examples, injecting my sense of humor whenever the inspiration struck me.
When it came to grammar rules, I found two things that twisted people’s brains into a knot:
1. The grammar-speak. For instance, how far would you get if a page started with a sentence like this:
An object pronoun is a type of personal pronoun that is normally used as a grammatical object, either as the direct or indirect object of a verb, or as the object of a preposition. (I fixed all of this for you!)
2. The 1% exceptions to many rules, which involve uses that never even apply to most people.
To avoid the brain-twisting, I translated the grammar-speak into plain language and focused on the 99%. The 1% exceptions are only used by the experts, anyway, and that’s probably not you (or me).
It soon became clear my list was growing into something that could help lots of people, so here we are! You can get a signed, first-edition paperback or hardcover here, as well as an ebook (coming soon on Amazon):
Smarten the F*ck Up! is also available on Amazon and can be ordered through local bookstores.
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